Report on our event with Richard Kwakernaak, “Are you communicating what you want?”

The following is a report on the occasion of the second main event held by EuropeanPWN-Amsterdam at Amsterdam Renaissance Hotel on 4 February 2010. We thank Mary Jane Roy for her generous contribution towards this report.

The second main event of EuropeanPWN-Amsterdam for 2010 was held on 4 February 2010. The topic of the evening was: “Are you communicating what you want, secrets to interacting effectively in male-dominated environments.” We were privileged to welcome Richard Kwakernaak, founder of the Institute for Communication Psychology and Transformation (ICPT). As many as 70 members and guests met in Amsterdam for drinks, followed by Richard’s key-note address.

Richard explained that in business, on the domestic front and in our social lives, we all stand to benefit from more effective communication skills. He added that the greater your awareness is of how it all works, the more effective your communication can be.

Richard captivated the audience with his down-to-earth take on gender differences in communication. He quipped: “Men have been known to sometimes miss a hint.” When a woman for instance says “I don’t want to see the same turnover this year as we had last year“, which for her simply means “We’d better increase our sales“, men might miss that point and start explaining in a defensive tone of voice why last year’s targets were not met.

“Women can become more effective communicators by expressing what they do want, rather than what they don’t want”. Richard added that studies have shown that such ‘positive’ communication also has positive effects on the immune system. Richard indicated that our communication is predominantly influenced by our habits, rather than by logical thinking or willpower. He added that in order to increase effective communication methods, he integrates in his work with people the principles from the following  three disciplines: mindfulness (learning to observe how your mind operates), neuro leadership (always keeping the desired effects within the brain in mind) and NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming (adapting your behavior to get the response that you want).

Richard also went into the differences in the brain structure between men and women, which accounts for the fact that men have much more difficulty in putting their emotions into words, as easily as women can.

By using a number of simple physical exercises, Richard made the attendees experience that we are inclined to act on what we see, rather than on what we hear. A further exercise made clear that our natural reaction to feeling being pushed is to push back. Richard explained that becoming an effective communicator, sometimes requires that we should calmly notice and deflect situations in which we are challenged, rather than react on primary instinct.

The Amsterdam board members surprised Rieke by arranging for champagne to be served to celebrate her taking office as co-Chair of the Federation board.

Bio of Richard Kwakernaak:
Richard graduated from the Naval Academy with a specialization in Human Resources Management and he founded the ICPT and Transformation (ICPT) after fourteen years in active service of the Royal Netherlands Navy. During that time Richard acquired a vast amount of experience of communication in male dominated environments which he now also on in his work with various national and international companies and a number of seminars that he teaches for the military, especially at NATO’s Civil-Military Cooperation Centre of Excellence.